I never thought I would ever need to set an alarm to remind myself to eat lunch, but yesterday, I did.
Prior to Laird and Dylan being born, I would often plan my meals in advance…always looking forward to every meal. I love to cook and have always enjoyed my time in the kitchen and going over recipes in my head all day long.
Now, we are lucky if we remember to pack a PB&J to bring to the hospital.
The daily schedule at the NICU is tough as the boys are not nursing and I am trying to be a breast feeding mom. So, every 2-3 hours, I am strapped to my new best friend for 20 minutes...Ms. Medela. Laird and Dylan are tube fed every three hours with Dylan going first and Laird a ½ hour later. When it’s time for their tube feedings, we change diapers, take temps, and I try to nurse them. They usually just sleep but I adore this time with them…studying their sweet faces. Then the schedule repeats all day long.
Things will be a lot easier once I can leave my pump, but for now, it’s quite a schedule.
To all of you mom’s out there: I have a new respect for all of you. Bless you. You are amazing. These early days are tough. I have never been this tired in my entire life.
The thing I need to remember is that no matter what, I need to enjoy this time. It is precious. I need to stay calm, relax, and smile. I will never get these days back…
PS. Today we managed to sneak out for a haircut but missed a feeding. The haircut was wonderful but I have mom guilt for it.
Mom guilt is a new category of behavior you will be forever prone to...it will come at the most unwanted times, but it is usually unwarranted. It means as a mom you can NEVER do everything you want, or get everything right, but it assures that you will strive for the highest mom honors, which you MAY reach, but will probably never allow yourself the luxury of believing you are "there"! Congrats, Mom, you've made it! Love ya.
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