And just as our new family of four found ourselves in a routine, Rich had to go back to Africa on Sunday.
The day was very emotional as we were both in denial. Maybe I should say all four of us were in denial, because as we watched Rich enter the airport, Laird began to hysterically cry... one of the few times I have ever heard him cry.
Sunday I had a pit in my stomach all day and couldn't stop the repetitive question in my mind, 'can I do this without Rich around?' I had to fight the anxiety away... Somehow I was able to find bits of confidence in being a mom...which is hard to do when you have never been a mom before.
But yesterday was a good day. Laird, Dylan, and I survived our first night together. As tough as was, there is something incredibly wonderful about waking up to four little eyeballs looking at you needing your love and attention.
In the morning we went to the pediatrician for their 2 week 'home from the hospital' visit. Both boys have gained weight and are doing great. The doctor, who I adore, also made me feel as if I were the best mother in the world. He was comforting, complimentary, supportive, and simply caring.
I walked out of the office with a huge smile on my face and my head held high. As people in the elevator and halls stopped to say hello to the twins, I couldn't help but to say to myself, 'I can do this. I am going to be a good mom'.